Full-time Mothers
When I first received the Full-Time Mothers newsletter, I was struck by how much of what all these highly intelligent women were saying, was supported by Islam. I began wishing that they knew that Islam recognised and honoured Motherhood in the way they wished society would. So I wrote an article for the newsletter-nothing special- just the basics. I have posted it below. Alhamdulillah I received positive feedback for the article and one non-Muslim mother wrote to me and said how pleased she was and surprised at what Islam said about Motherhood. I think it might be a useful article to give to any non-Muslim mothers:
A man once came to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and asked him "Oh Messenger of God, who amongst the people is the most deserving of my good company?" The Prophet replied "Your mother." The man then asked who came next and the Prophet said again "Your mother." The man yet again asked who came after, and the Prophet yet again replied, "Your mother." The man asked "Then who else?" Then the Prophet said "Your father."
In this way the Prophet made clear to the Muslims that the position of the mother and the honour and esteem in which she is held is paramount and that she is the most deserving of our good treatment and companionship.
In the Qur'an too we see that after devotion to God, parents are the most deserving of our good behaviour and the role of the mother is specifically recognised and praised. When parents reach old age, they are included in the family and should not be neglected and lonely, just as they looked after us when we were helpless children. In this way the cycle of mutual care between parents and children is sustained.
I myself have felt valued and admired as a full-time-mother in the Muslim community, indeed it's something Muslims respect greatly in a woman, but being born and brought up in the UK, I often felt that full-time-motherhood was not only undervalued but barely mentioned as a dignified and desirable option in the Girls' School I went to. I think the reason that people look at motherhood in such different ways boils down to how they view the roles of men and women in general.
In Islam, women and men are equal in the sight of God, but they are different and consequently have different roles to play…both roles are as important as each other and they complement each other. This is the only way a harmonious society can exist: when men are men and women are women; when we embrace our femininity and our nature and stop fighting against it, yearning to be something we are not.
Muslim women have the right to be fully supported because the responsibility for maintenance is fully on the shoulders of the men. In fact when a Muslim woman gets married, she is given a marriage gift as part of her nuptial contract and is given all the required provisions for her welfare and protection. Any wealth she owns or earns personally is her own and is entirely at her disposal and she doesn't have to contribute to the family funds unless she wants to. When my own husband was made redundant a couple of years ago, I was not expected to go out to work and even when funds were low, we budgeted and were patient with the situation until things got better. In fact if things had gotten really bad, other men from our relatives would have helped out. Being an ftm takes precedence and is seen as essential by both of us, as well as our families.
If a mother wants to work or pursue any useful occupations, she may, after mutual consultation between husband and wife. (I myself am studying at home for my degree through an open-college course). But this is if her sacred role as wife and mother is not neglected. Her role as a mother is seen as indispensable to society because the family is a microcosm of society and without her, the future generation would lack the healthy moral conscience that is needed for the success and stability of the individual and the community at large. Children have a right over us and deserve our attention and care.
Apart from the fact that I love my children and love being with them and guiding and teaching them, I hope that God will reward me in this life and the next for being a devoted mother…and this is the Muslim belief - that every good thing a mother teaches her child, every bit of love and compassion she shows them and every sacrifice she makes for them will be rewarded by God, and her reward will increase and increase if her child passes on what she has taught and will keep increasing as long as the effects of what she instilled in him last in generations to come! What a wonderful image! The effect of what we mothers do is like a pebble falling into a lake and causing a great ripple that influences generations after us!
As for education, then Islam sees educating women as absolutely vital! As an Arab Poet says:
The Mother is a School
If you prepare her properly,
You will prepare an entire people of good character.
The Mother is the first Teacher,
The most important of them,
And the best of them.
Need I say more?
By Fatima Barkatulla
A career woman committed suicide after trying to juggle the demands of motherhood and her high-flying job, an inquest heard yesterday.
Catherine Bailey, 41, a partner at a leading City law firm, may have been suffering from post-natal depression when she threw herself into the Thames earlier this year.
Miss Bailey, described as 'driven', returned to her demanding job less than six months after the birth of her third daughter, but complained of the intense pressure of work.
Only weeks later she failed to return home from her office on a Friday evening and her husband, a consultant kidney specialist, raised the alarm.
Police and friends began a search for her, but although they tracked signals from her mobile phone they could not track her down.
The next day she sent a final text to her husband. It said: 'I am so sorry. BK (big kiss). All my love to you and the girls. Hold them close.'
Half an hour later her body was found in the river near Richmond Bridge, south-west London.
Coroner Alison Thompson told West London Coroners' Court: 'It is probable that she may have been suffering from a degree of post-natal depression.
'Miss Bailey was a very capable and professional woman, and a loving mother of three young children who found it hard to meet the demands of motherhood with the high standards she set for herself.'
A specialist in banking and commercial law at City firm S J Berwin, Miss Bailey returned to work just before Christmas.
Her elder daughters, Inez and Ruth, were then aged five and three.
Miss Bailey's clients included banks, hedge funds and stockbrokers, many of which would have been hit by the credit crunch. The court heard that on the day of her disappearance, Friday, January 9, her husband Neil Ashman became increasingly concerned about her following a phone conversation.
Detective Sergeant Bernard McCabe, who led the investigation, said her husband raised the alarm at 6pm when she failed to return to her home in Islington, north London.
Mrs Bailey's body was found in the River Thames near Richmond Bridge
Police tracked her mobile phone signal to the Thames Embankment, but patrols were unable to find her. Her bank card records showed she had booked a room for the night at the Thistle Hotel in the Barbican, in the City, but staff could not recall seeing her.
On Saturday morning, police were able to track her mobile to Blackfriars railway station.
Her husband, believing she might have been heading towards Kew Gardens in west London, alerted friends who joined police in the search.
But before she could be located she jumped into the river, and at 5.51pm, her body was spotted in the Thames near Richmond Bridge. She had sent her final text to her husband only half an hour earlier.
When asked why he thought Miss Bailey had apparently ended her life, Det Sgt McCabe said: 'She had a demanding job and was balancing between that and three young girls.
'It was the emotional trauma that appeared to have accumulated - the birth of her three children and going back to work. She was obviously a very professional and driven person.'
The court heard that she had small traces of alcohol, paracetamol and caffeine in her blood, and had no history of psychiatric illness or depression. A post-mortem examination found the cause of death was drowning.
Dr Neil Ashman had been married to Catherine for 10 years and described her as 'vivacious and passionate'
Johannesburg-born Miss Bailey met her husband when they were both studying at the University of Cape Town. The couple moved to London after she accepted her job in 1995, and married there in 1999.
At the inquest, her husband said: 'We feel we have a sequence of events that led to her sad death. We can't bring her back.' Asked if her death had come without warning, he said: 'Absolutely.'
Recording a verdict of suicide, the coroner said: 'It is an absolutely tragic situation.'
Her family, who attended the inquest, were too upset to comment.
During her funeral in January, a prayer in the order of service read: 'She was a woman of extraordinary strength, vivacious and passionate in upholding her deep sense of moral values.
'She loved deeply, with great loyalty. She was honest and forthright in her views and opinions.'
It paid tribute to her as a ' wonderful woman' with a 'sharp wit and infectious humour'.
Hers has to be one of the most tragic stories that I've read in a very, very long time. A young mother - only 41 - with three children under five throws herself in the Thames, leaving behind no real explanation, just a bald text message saying: 'Richmond. I am so sorry. BK (big kiss). All my love to you and the girls. Hold them close.'
How did Catherine Bailey, a hugely successful City lawyer, find herself in such desperation that the only solution she could find was to take her own life?
The coroner's report, made public on Tuesday, states that post-natal depression played a big part in her final, ghastly decision.
But I suspect many other factors contributed to her awful and untimely death - factors that will be familiar to all-too-many professional women in Britain today.
Both Catherine and her husband Dr Neil Ashman, a kidney specialist, held down incredibly tough and demanding jobs while trying to raise their three little ones.
Her decision to end her life earlier this year by jumping off Richmond Bridge raises many ugly questions, the key one being the age-old problem of being a working mother trying to pursue a high-flying career while not sacrificing the need to look after and nurture a young family.
Catherine, I have no doubt, was a loving and caring mum. She was also ambitious to play her role in the world of work - and in that regard she had succeeded hugely. Not just a member of staff at the giant law firm S J Berwin, but a partner, a position many would fight to have, as no doubt she did, too.
A company such as S J Berwin takes no prisoners - jobs like Catherine's command high salaries and no one would have been interested in employing anyone (male or female) who needed regular chunks of time off to see to all the things that children need: the dentist, the dance class, the need to be ferried to friends' parties.
I dread to think of the levels of stress she must have felt herself under as the school holidays approached: corporate law firms like hers seldom countenance an employee who says she needs to stop work for four weeks to be with the children.
I, too, know a little of the pressures she must have faced on a daily basis. I once had a highly demanding job as a national newspaper editor - a job I often found incompatible with trying to be a mother to my daughter, Daisy.
Dreading a phone call in the middle of the day that might inform her that one of the children was ill and could she please, please come home.
What do you do when your child is asking for you, while your boss is insisting that you get yourself into the next meeting, all the time desperately trying not to show one iota of the stress you are under beneath that polished veneer of professionalism.
It is an impossible situation. Why do it? For power and prestige? For inner fulfillment? Clearly, the latter was insufficient to prevent this lovely young woman cracking under the strain of it all and seeking her own final solution.
Widowed: Dr Neil Ashman was married to the lawyer for 10 years
I suspect that aspiration played a large part in the lifestyle she and her husband elected to lead. Catherine would have been earning a very handsome salary, as would her husband. And with that, no doubt they managed to move up the housing ladder, taking on ever increasing mortgages and commitments.
I am speculating here, but I wonder whether that desire to display to the outside world the visible signs of success played some part in the stressful life she led. Why else would you go explain? For in many ways I believe we are all responsible for Catherine's death.
We have created a world that is monstrous in its demands: to earn more, to buy more, to display our worth to the world through the stuff that we own and the high status we acquire in the workplace.
And in the process we have shunned the things that matter far more to our sense of happiness and well-being: the strength of friendships, the bonds of family and community, the tranquillity of less pressured lives.
I'm not sure whether it is ever possible to hold down a job like Catherine's and be the mother of three youngsters without feeling that - on all fronts - you are failing, and hearing a nagging voice of self-reproach in your head.
Not a good enough wife (when did we last go out to dinner together?); not a good mother (I'm never home in time to read a bedtime story or help with their homework); not a dependable colleague (I'm so sorry, but I have to leave - my child has just fallen off her bike).
Catherine, I suspect, lived her life on a treadmill like this, balanced on a knife edge between all the myriad demands that were being made of her.
But she was living the modern British dream - one to which our culture tells us we should all aspire.
My heart breaks to imagine what she must have been feeling like when she decided she couldn't go on. Let her tragic end be a lesson to us all.
Subhanallah.....
Alhamdulillah Islam teach us the value of motherhood.
Umm Hussain, it is poosible that I can translate your articel to danish. I fount it very good I like to share it with my mother and maybe other reverts mother whom need understand this perspective of islam???
Umm a
Ummabdallah feel free to translate it.
jzk allahu khair 
