Latest threads in: Parenting

You know you a mum when.....

ummhussain — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 17:53:57 +0000

Asalam alaikum warahmatullah

I thought we can have some fun with this.

You buy clothes,furniture, based on their ability to be washed and their ability to hide the spills.

When you go out to treat yourself to something new for the first time in years, and come back with childrens clothes or toys.

When your baby stops crying and starts smiling when he sees your face in the morning.

When you are a mum you can't....

ummhussain — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 21:35:38 +0000

Do anything without being asked "what you doing?"

Eat or drink ANYTHING without having to share it.

Have an uninterrupted adult conversations.

You can't have a lie in on the weekends or holidays.

Buy something for yourself with out feeling guilty.

Have a night out without planning for it like a military operation.

Leave the house without having to carry around a bag with everything you might need.

Make and a hot drink and actually drink it while it's still hot!

Feel free to add

My child refuses to breastfeed, please help....

nmsr_ma — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 14:16:52 +0000

Assalamu-alaikum sisters. Alhumdullila I became mother of a beautiful baby boy three and a half months back. Since initially I had a very low supply of breast milk, I started to bottlefeed formula milk to my baby as well. Everything was fine till the day when my boy started to refuse my milk except at nights when he is too sleepy to see whether I am feeding him through a bottle or otherwise. First I thought it may be Nipple confusion but then pondered as to how does he drink at night without any hassles. I was too worried because of his behaviour, had many sleepless nights, then finally decided to pump and give him my milk. Now I pump and give him but would like to know if there is any way of making my child directly breastfeed again. Waiting anxiously for a positive reply. Jazakallah Khair

breastfeeding problem ( baby 7 months)

meryem shazly — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 14:23:47 +0000

As salamu alaikum wr wb
My son is now 7 months old and i breastfeed him at night and at daytime when he wants to sleep. He also gets 1 meal ( veggys and chicken) and 2 - 3 bottles of Milk ( 125ml)
I coulnt breastfeed him exclusivly since i didnt had enough milk :(

Now theres a new problem. He refuse to drink from m at daytime.
When i try 2 feed him he crys and pulls his head away from my breast.
Than when i give him the bottle ( with tea) he drinks from it and falls asleep.

So i have 2 questions and id be so tankfull if anyone could help me :)

1. i know its recommended to breastfeed 2 years ( quran). is it acceptable to wean ur baby before this or whats the punishment if i dont breastfeed him 2 years?
Especially if u have problems to breastfeed.

2. What can i do if he doesnt want to eat from me and just let me breastfeed him at night? ( i get really tired from feeding him at night )

thx for reading my problem :)

a toddler and a newborn

mammyluty — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 14:36:32 +0000

asalam alaikum
sisters Allah blessed me again with a beautiful baby boy again whose only 4weeks old.and my first is 16 months old.am just curious to know how those who had thier children close 2gether was coping wth their demands.

so far myself i can say its going well most of the days but at tyms its really overwhelming expecially when i feel tired.my husband has been really wonderfull helps when he can whenever he can.

any extra tips on how to gain confidence from experienced mums out there?

Having more than two children is irresponsible.

ummhussain — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 18:40:49 +0000

COUPLES who have more than two children are being “irresponsible” by creating an unbearable burden on the environment, the government’s green adviser has warned.

Jonathon Porritt, who chairs the government’s Sustainable Development Commission, says curbing population growth through contraception and abortion must be at the heart of policies to fight global warming. He says political leaders and green campaigners should stop dodging the issue of environmental harm caused by an expanding population.

“I am unapologetic about asking people to connect up their own responsibility for their total environmental footprint and how they decide to procreate and how many children they think are appropriate,” Porritt said.

“I think we will work our way towards a position that says that having more than two children is irresponsible. It is the ghost at the table. We have all these big issues that everybody is looking at and then you don’t really hear anyone say the “p” word.”

The Optimum Population Trust, a campaign group of which Porritt is a patron, says each baby born in Britain will, during his or her lifetime, burn carbon roughly equivalent to 2½ acres of old-growth oak woodland - an area the size of Trafalgar Square.

The British population, now 61m, will pass 70m by 2028, the Office for National Statistics says. The fertility rate for women born outside Britain is estimated to be 2.5, compared with 1.7 for those born here. The global population of 6.7 billion is expected to rise to 9.2 billion by 2050.

Porritt, who has two children, intends to persuade environmental pressure groups to make population a focus of campaigning.

“Many organisations think it is not part of their business. My mission with the Friends of the Earth and the Greenpeaces of this world is to say: ‘You are betraying the interests of your members by refusing to address population issues and you are doing it for the wrong reasons because you think it is too controversial,” he said.

Porritt, a former chairman of the Green party, says the government must improve family planning, even if it means shifting money from curing illness to increasing contraception and abortion.

He said: “We still have one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancies in Europe and we still have relatively high levels of pregnancies going to birth, often among women who are not convinced they want to become mothers.

From The Times,Sunday Time Online
http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article5627634.ece

New mother need help!!!!

Ummabdallah — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 11:40:50 +0000

Assalam aleikum wr wb dear sisters.

I have been blessed with motherhood a little more than 5 month ago. Right now Im alone with my son, which mean that I have to everything in the household...also those things my husband normally would have done...

Because of this, I find is extreamly difficult to hold up my ibada. BEfore I did adkar, my sunna prays and read quran and other books about deen daily, now it is a good day if I feel my fard pray is being made with proper khushuu:(

My son dont sleep so much during the day, så when He finally sleep I try to cook or clean or do some of the things I cant do when He´s awake....

Please I Need to know how you fulltimes mother is holding up your eeman with both house, kid(s) and so on....

Your sister, Umm Muhammad Yassir

A steep drop in the age of puberty

ummhussain — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 09:55:28 +0000

The first reports of a steep drop in the age of puberty began to emerge from the U.S. just over a decade ago - around the time my son Tony was born - but I didn't take too much notice back then.
If it was a real problem, I reasoned, I would know someone with a child in this situation and back then I did not.

As with so many other health stories, sceptical scientists quickly stepped in to criticise the methods used in the American studies, while others blamed the lifestyle there - too much obesity, too much sitting in front of televisions and computer screens and too much hormone-treated beef.

It couldn't, I thought, happen to us. I could not have been more wrong. A study at the University of Copenhagen by some of the most respected experts in this field - and the first of its kind in Western Europe - has concluded the age at which girls and boys begin to mature physically has dropped in a short space of time.

In girls, the age of puberty is down by a whole year - from 11 to ten. For boys, the change is less stark, but it's nonetheless real - they now start puberty around four months earlier than they once did, on average aged ten rather than 11.

Separate studies in Holland and Italy have confirmed these findings, which echo what endocrinologists (doctors who specialise in hormones) have been reporting: a surge in the number of children being referred to their clinics with symptoms of early puberty.

Dr Richard Stanhope, who has worked at London's Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital for more than 20 years, believes the change is creating serious problems for many children who are physically mature at an age when they are too young psychologically to deal with it.

'They are physically ready for sexual reproduction, but mentally completely unready,' he says.

Dr Stanhope believes they are potentially more vulnerable to sexual abuse and teenage pregnancy.

In boys, research suggests those who go into puberty early are more likely to get involved in risky behaviour, including taking drugs, binge- drinking and breaking the law.

It is thought that an early increase in levels of the male hormone testosterone can lead to aggression in boys too young to control their impulses.

'We all know that testosterone is a very difficult hormone to learn to

Recently I experienced first-hand the impossible tensions Dr Stanhope describes when I was allowed inside a secure children's unit for a documentary on Radio 4.

These child prisons house some of the most damaged and potentially dangerous youngsters in the UK, sent there for their own protection by social services or the courts.

I observed one boy blowing his top in what was meant to be an anger management counselling session - kicking at the locked door and demanding to be let out, hurling abuse at me when I said there was no need to swear.

Although he looked about 18, he'd hit puberty at nine and was fully physically mature at around the age of ten. The boy may have looked grown up, but his troubles had begun when, just like any other ten-year-old, he had been showing off to some older boys, trying to impress.

Sadly for him, his idols were in a drug dealing gang. They had used him to do their dirty work and he had quickly built up a record for serious violence.

'You see,' he growled at me in a deep, gravely voice, 'I didn't want to be with kids of my age, playing hide-and-seek.
'I remember I was horrified. At that age, I had no idea what was happening to my body. But I knew it didn't feel right'
The problem is that two important life events - puberty, where we develop physically and sexually, and adolescence, where we mature emotionally and psychologically - are now happening separately for many children, whereas they used to coincide.

Although the consequences for many won't be as devastating as they were for the boy I met in the secure unit, they will be damaging nevertheless.

Tara Lamey, 18, is a service co-ordinator. She lives in North London with her mother Susan, a teaching assistant. Tara recalls noticing the first signs of puberty when she was just seven years old.

'I was growing hair under my armpits,' she says. 'And I was horrified. At that age, barely into primary school, I'd had no lessons about puberty and had no idea what was happening to my body. But I knew it didn't feel right. I remember getting changed for swimming lessons and feeling mortified. I longed to fit in and be hairless like all of my friends.'

Shortly afterwards, and still aged seven, Tara felt she couldn't confide in a soul when she began developing pubic hair.
'I just wanted to pretend it wasn't happening to me,' she says. 'Then one evening, when I was in the bath, mum popped in and I remember her asking me how long I'd had hair like that. I felt embarrassed but relieved Mum knew.'

Luckily for Tara, her mother reacted calmly. Trips to the hospital for tests revealed that although she had started puberty early, her hormone levels were still within a range considered normal - so she wasn't given treatment.

'I don't recall Mum acting shocked, but in hindsight she must have been stunned to find her little girl was developing so early. Around the same time I began developing mood swings. I can't recall much about it, but I do remember feeling teary for no reason.'

Growing up fast: Hayley Smith, 15, needed to wear a bra by the age of six
Despite the reassurance that she was normal, Tara was a child who felt terribly embarrassed, insisting on covering up, wearing T-shirts with sleeves even in summer.

Sadly, those hang-ups are still there today. 'Even now I dislike getting changed in communal changing rooms and I also hate anyone seeing my armpits - I still feel more comfortable in tops and dresses with small sleeves.'

Wanting to be like everyone else is very important to children, according to Linda Blair, a psychologist with 30 years' experience working with families both in the NHS and in private practice.

She told me she has lost count of the number of people whose problems stem from early puberty, but says there has been a dramatic rise in recent years.

'Children can feel miserable about anything that makes them stand out,' she says. 'They want to belong. It's only in late adolescence that we want to be different and individual.

'The fact they are maturing so much faster physically than they are emotionally is creating huge tensions within children and a great deal of conflict at home.'

Linda also believes that advertising, which encourages children to want to look older, is adding to their problems.

'Children of ten are only just about able to empathise, let alone to project into the future and realise the consequences of their actions.

'Yet some are hitting puberty at nine and are being encouraged by what they see on TV to think they should be having feelings and experiences they are just not ready for.'
Linda Blair and psychologists like her find themselves advising parents on how to explain physical signs of sexual maturity to children who are not emotionally ready to learn about sex.
'It can be traumatic for children. I advise parents to answer questions only as they arise and to tell young girls who are having periods that it is the way the body prepares for having a baby one day, but that the body is getting rid of that preparation because that day is a long way off in the future.'

As well as lasting psychological problems, there are worries that early puberty might bring with it an increased risk of health problems in later life.

'The earlier a girl has her period, the longer her exposure to oestrogen,' Dr Stanhope explains. 'This may increase the risk of breast and ovarian cancer and of developing cardiovascular problems.

'In men, prostate cancer is a hormonally sensitive tumour. So, in theory, the longer you are exposed to testosterone, the more you would expect the incidence rate to rise.'

According to Cancer Research UK, a girl who has her first period a year later than her contemporaries is five per cent less likely to develop cancer in later life. Girls who reach puberty early are also more likely to develop diabetes.

This has happened to Hayley Smith, from Bingham near Nottingham. Now 15, Hayley began puberty aged just three and at six was having periods and wearing a bra.

Her parents Debbie, a former chemist, and David, a project manager, were worried sick - and still are. Hayley was diagnosed with diabetes when she was four.
'David and I had so many discussions,' says Debbie. 'We have asked ourselves: "What if Hayley's early puberty meant she would go through the menopause in her 20s? Would her fertility be affected? Should we be thinking about having some of her eggs frozen in case she wanted a family of her own one day?"

'They are questions we still don't know the answers to because the necessary research hasn't been done.'

The Smiths are also baffled as to why their child has been affected. Although scientists don't know why the age of puberty has dropped, they agree that the change is too sudden to be genetic and must be down to environmental factors - almost certainly more than one.

The Western diet is probably part of it and there is a link between obesity and early puberty. But in the Danish study, scientists found no difference in the body mass index of girls who were growing breasts a year earlier than those who weren't.

They concluded that, although obesity is a risk factor, it doesn't explain the trend. Research in Italy suggested that the light and radiation coming from televisions and computer screens may be suppressing the production of the hormone melatonin, which regulates the body's internal clock.

This hormone is thought to protect against the early onset of puberty. And as scientists have looked for significant changes in the way we live that may account for what is happening, Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals - mostly man-made - are emerging as a prime suspect.

Who knew?
The youngest mother on record is Lina Medina from Peru, who gave birth in 1939 at the age of five years, seven months and 21 days
These can damage the way hormones work in our bodies and can mimic the effects of some hormones, including oestrogen.
It is a tricky area of research because we are all exposed to a cocktail of these chemicals in our daily lives. One group of chemicals called phthalates are added to plastic to increase its flexibility and can be found in everything from food packaging to toys.

Another, Bisphenol A, is used in some children's feeding cups and even baby bottles. For his part, Dr Stanhope believes that the early onset of puberty may turn out to have more to do with chemical contamination than diet. 'It's just a hunch,' he told me.

'There's no proof as yet, but you only have to look at the way sperm counts have come down in the West in the past 40 years.'

Whatever the factors, there will be lots involved. Ten years on from the first findings of early puberty in our children, I too know an emotionally immature little girl with the body of a grown up.

This girl, the child of some friends, began her periods at ten and now at 13 years is wreaking havoc at home, demanding to wear revealing low-cut clothes and make-up even at school.

For parents trying to protect their children from the distressing prospect of turning into adults before their time, psychologist Linda Blair is adamant that we must be ' consistent, clear and directive'.

We must, she says, lay down the rules. 'You must be willing to say to a child: "No. You are too young to go out alone unsupervised to hang out with the opposite sex." Tell girls firmly: "You are too young for underwear designed for adults."

'Kids feel very alone in puberty, they need a calm and steady guide.'

When families do as she suggests, she says, everyone is happier - particularly the child.

According to Linda, early puberty is one factor in the distress some children exhibit and lies behind the disturbing current prevalence of anorexia and self-harm.

'Sadly for our children this disconnect between physical and mental maturity has come at a time when they are bombarded with images of experiences they are not ready for - romantic relationships and sex,' she says.
'Advertising is pushing kids to look older, while at the same time parents are reluctant to be clear, firm and direct.'

Now - more than ever, it seems - vulnerable children are thrust into the dangerous realms of physical maturity and need the support of genuine adults, confident and willing to help them through.

Article from Daily Mail UK

C-section babies 'more vulnerable'

ummhussain — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 09:50:43 +0000

A study found that delivery method has a major impact on the kinds of bugs carried by newborn infants.

While babies born naturally appeared to acquire bacteria from their mother's vagina, those born by C-section harboured microbes typically found on the skin.

The latter were dominated by strains associated with food poisoning, diphtheria and acne.

Allowing the bugs in at the time of birth could affect the health of babies as they grow and develop, say researchers.

Previous studies suggest that babies born by Caesarean section may be more susceptible to certain infections and allergies than naturally delivered babies.

More than 20% of babies born in the UK today are delivered by Caesarean section, compared with just 9% in 1980. The procedure is usually carried out for safety reasons, to prevent complications that might harm either mother or baby.

Dr Noah Fierer, one of the study leaders from the University of Colorado at Boulder, US, said: "In a sense the skin of newborn infants is like freshly tilled soil that is awaiting seeds for planting - in this case, bacterial communities. The microbial communities that cluster on newborns essentially act as their first inoculation."

He added: "In C-sections, the bacterial communities of infants could come from the first person to handle the baby, perhaps the father."

The findings, published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, may explain the high MRSA (methicillin resistant Staphylococcus aureus) infection rate in babies born by Caesarean section.

Silly Names

ummhussain — Fri, 28 May 2010 17:47:55 +0000

Next time you sign your name spare a thought for Justin Case, Barb Dwyer and Anna Sasin.

The incredibly unfortunate names emerged in our study of the most bizarre names in Britain today. Other unlucky punters are also trying to lead normal lives despite being named Stan Still, Mary Christmas, Paige Turner, Chris Cross and Barry Cade. It might also be worth thanking your lucky stars you're not called Sonny Day, Rose Bush, Pearl Button or Hazel Nutt, who also make the list of 'The Most Unfortunate Names in Britain'.

TheBabyWebsite recently carried out the search of names registered with phone numbers and names posted on the world wide web.

When the parents of some of those people mentioned named their children, many probably didn’t even realise the implications at the time. However, we can’t help but smile when we imagine someone having to give their full name.

There must be tremendous embarrassment every time they have to introduce themselves to anyone, especially to a crowd. Even their teachers must have had to hold back their smiles sometimes.

On the positive side, anyone wanting to become well-known would have an added advantage… No-one would forget a name such as Justin Case, would they?

Parents really do need to think carefully though when choosing names for their children. Their name will be with them for life and what may be quirky and fun for a toddler might be regretted terribly when that person becomes older or even a grandparent perhaps.

Our month-long study scoured the world for real people who have their own unique crosses to bear.

TheBabyWebsite.com also uncovered some other crackers such as the brilliantly-named Tim Burr, a speed-freak named Max Power and a man called Doug Hole. Teresa Green, Terry Bull, Helen Back, Lee King, Jo King and Ray Gunn also cropped up on the list.

Wider afield America as you'd expect is a haven of weird and wonderful names including Anna Prentice, Annette Curtain, Bill Board and Carrie Oakey.

A string of people have brilliant names linked to their professions including Dr Leslie Doctor and Dr Thoulton Surgeon, a vet in Connecticut, Dr Payne, a plastic surgeon in Sandusky, Ohio, Les Plack, a dentist in San Francisco and Priti Manek, a doctor in Florida.

And one of the funniest, Dr Sumey in Fairmont is likely to invite more than his fair share of lawsuits from disgruntled patients.
BRITAIN'S MOST BIZARRE NAMES
Barb Dwyer
Pearl Button
Hazel Nutt
Ray Gunn
Helen Back
Stan Still
Jo King
Lee King
Terry Bull
Mary Christmas
Max Power
Paige Turner
Sonny Day
Tim Burr
Teresa Green
Will Power
Anna Sasin
Chris Cross
Doug Hole
Justin Case
Barry Cade
AMERICA’S BIZARRE NAMES
Anna Prentice
Annette Curtain
Bill Board
Carrie Oakey
Dr Leslie Doctor
Dr Thoulton Surgeon
Dr Payne
Les Plack
Priti Manek
Dr Sumey

February 2009

The Family Bed in Islam

ngady — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 15:56:03 +0000

The Family Bed in Islam
by Maria Hussain, a freelance writer from New Jersey

The family bed is an aspect of traditional family life, which has largely become a thing of the past. Even Muslims have adopted the unnatural Western cultural practices of confining the baby to a separate room away from its parents and replacing breast-feeding with bottle-feeding.

"Modern" parents try to put the baby to sleep in a crib away from human touch. The parents will then spend countless nights awake, coaxing their baby to sleep, only to have him wake up as soon as he is put down in the crib. In order that the baby will stop disturbing the parents' sleep, it is considered necessary for children to develop "independence" at an early age. That is why doctors in the West push parents to teach the baby to sleep through the night alone, which can only be done by teaching the baby that no one is available. The standard American baby handbook, What to Expect the First Year (Eisenberg) advises:

"If you can tolerate an hour or more of vigorous crying and screaming, don't go to the baby, soothe him, feed him, or talk to him when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Just let him cry until he's exhausted himself-and the possibility, in his mind, that he's going to get anywhere, or anyone, by crying-and has fallen back to sleep. The next night do the same; the crying will almost certainly last a shorter time…You may find that earplugs, the whir of the fan, or the hum of voices or music on the radio or TV can take the edge off the crying without blocking it out entirely. If you have an intercom from the baby's room, the magnified crying may be particularly grating. You can reduce that problem by turning it off when the crying starts. If baby is truly hysterical, you may hear him anyway. If you can't hear him at all, set a minute timer for twenty minutes. When the buzzer rings, turn the intercom back on to see if he's still at it. Repeat this every twenty minutes until the crying stops."

Is it any wonder that American youth feel alienated and depressed? Today's young people are characterized by a lack of connection with the home and family and a deep insecurity about whether they are loved. This feeling of distance from others is most likely something which started at infancy. If we gave our child the message since he was a baby that we are only available if and when it is convenient to us, who can blame them when they have problems later on in his life. If feels afraid and alone, it will not occur to him to ask his parents for advice, but he will instead turn to love substitutes and develop bad habits. Could you respect someone who sat by and knew you were crying and didn't try to help you solve the problem?

As Muslims, we want to create a strong emotional bond with our children that will last into our old age, when we will become dependent upon our children to take care of us, as Islam demands. We definitely do not want to give our children the message that we were not available when they needed us.

Some parental advocates are starting to wake up to the dangers of isolating a baby in this way. According to SIDS researcher James J. McKenna,

"Nighttime parent-infant co-sleeping during at least the first year of life is the universal, species-wide normative context for infant sleep, to which both parents and infants are biologically and psychosocially adapted…Solitary infant sleep is an exceedingly recent, novel, and alien experience for the human infant - a sensory - deprived microenvironment for which not all infants are equally prepared biologically."

Research reveals lower Sudden Infant Death (SID) rates in cultures where mothers sleep in close proximity to or in contact with their infants during the first year of life (Mothering, No. 62, Winter 92). Babies are less likely to mysteriously stop breathing when they are in close contact with another human being, especially the mother. This disproves the idea that the danger of rolling on top of one's baby and smothering them justifies depriving the child of your warmth. This tragedy occurs very rarely, and usually it involves parental use of drugs or alcohol putting the parent into a deep sleep. Under healthy circumstances, a mother is highly tuned into her baby even in sleep. She would be no more likely to roll over on top of her baby and not notice them struggling to squirm free than she would be likely to roll over and fall off the bed. Most infant smothering happens when a baby is laying face down in a thick quilt.

Statistically, a baby is actually more likely to die when left alone in their crib where no one notices them. In the entire kingdom of nature, no mother sleeps away from her infant, leaving it defenseless against predators. All mammal babies sleep curled up next to their mothers, suckling sweetly. If a baby cries in the night, it is because they want their mama! Who can blame them? Close physical contact is also essential to the swift recovery of a premature infant. It is recommended for weak and small babies to be held skin to skin with a parent for several hours a day. This is called the "kangaroo hold" and can be done by keeping him in a sling under your shirt or jacket (leaving ample breathing room) during the day.

A Muslim mother is available to her child. A Muslim father is available to his child. We know that with parent-child attachment comes the emotional security that is necessary for developing a healthy inner self-confidence. The message we want to get across to our child is, "If you have a problem, come to me. If you are afraid, tell me about it. If you are lonely, I am here." We are not interested in cultivating independence before the child is ready for it.

The Holy Prophet prescribed separating the children in their beds by the age of ten:

"Order your children to observe Salat when they reach the age of seven and spank them for not observing it when they reach the age of ten, and arrange their beds (for sleeping) separately." (Abu Dawud)

This hadith implies that before the age of moral reason, small children are not required to sleep alone. Islam has no prohibitions against parents sleeping in the same bed with a small child. In practice, a Muslim baby should sleep with its parents, especially while they are still breastfeeding. Since the father is usually only home at night, being near the baby during sleep is beneficial to the bonding process. Sleeping with their mother also gives the baby the opportunity to nurse on demand, which is important for Muslim mothers wishing to complete the full term as prescribed by Allah.

"… His mother bears him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning takes two years - Be grateful to Me and to your parents." (Quran 31:14)

Compare the two situations: A child cries in the night. The mother pulls them to her breast, with both drifting back to sleep next to each other. And, a child cries in the night. Mother or father gets out of bed, warms a bottle, and brings it to the child. Parents take turns rocking the baby back to sleep, slowly put him down, and tiptoe away from the crib. Which couple got the most sleep? Experienced mothers know that an infant will sleep soundly through the night as long as they can smell their mother nearby and feel her warmth, and if they awaken hungry in the night, they will only cry for a second until the child finds the breast and nurses back to sleep. There is no stress on the mother, disturbing of the overworked father, getting up out of bed, or tears in the night. Sleeping with a small child gives them the security that you are there. As far as the baby is concerned, they are completely happy.

As a baby grows into a child, their need to be near others while they are sleeping does not go away. Those children who have been trained to sleep in their own beds will still find countless ways to disrupt their parents' sleep, requesting glasses of water, trips to the washroom, somebody to close the closet door, check under the bed for monsters, etc. I recall many nights in my own childhood lying awake in bed, obsessing and panicking about the concept of death and other heavy issues, but knowing I was not to disturb my parents. Patrick C. Friman, a clinical psychologist and director of clinical services for a boy's counseling center explains, "It's not pathological, it's not a disease, and it's common in industrialized cultures," where children usually sleep apart from parents (NJ Star-Ledger).

Children come up with these ploys because they are frightened of how it feels to be alone, drifting into unconsciousness. Instead of engaging in power struggles with small children over intimate issues, parents can opt to allow the child back into their bed even if he/she has their own bed as long as they are under the age of reason. This differs according to each child. The hadith mentioned above points to 7 - 10 as a maximum age, although another hadith from Abu Dawud describes the age of reason as the time when a child can distinguish his right hand from his left.

Newlyweds, when planning your marital bedroom furniture, consider buying a king-sized futon to lie on the floor. That will serve you for years to come as a child-safe family bed, where the father will have room to snuggle with mother and baby rather than being banished to the couch, as often happens when new parents discover that the baby doesn't want to sleep in their crib and takes over the honeymoon bed. Even if you don't plan to have children immediately, a large bed is still a very comfortable sleeping option and it will save you time and effort in the future.

Whats Your View?

kisu — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 14:35:38 +0000

Assalamu Aliakum,

I'm a working mother of a one year old baby. It's quite challenging getting a good islamic based day care in Nigeria. so, i leave my son at home with a baby sitter who is not a muslim. i really don't know how good it is for his up bringing but the nanny is quite friendly and my son enjoys her company so much. please what do you think, any suggestions?

baby food

mammyluty — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 22:10:37 +0000

salam mothers

i have a 5 month old son i started weaning him since 3 and half months,i know it was too early i was just excited.nwy he only eats packed food like baby rice cereal cerelac or friuts that r in powder form.when i make him mine like potatoes n carrots he doesnt eat or mashed bananas.any tips or any recipes dat will apeal his taste buds.il appreciate it inshallah

Against the Law to babysit for a friend?

ummhussain — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:01:16 +0000

Ofsted inspectors in England have been told by ministers to show "common sense" in interpreting laws on friends helping each other with childcare.

Two mothers had been told it was illegal to look after each others' children without being registered.

The reciprocal arrangement had been seen as providing a "reward".

A spokesman for the Department for Children, Schools and Families said childcare rules were not intended to "interfere in informal arrangements".

Ministers are trying to clear up confusion over the regulations in England covering parents who help each other with childcare and babysitting.

But so far there is no new guidance on the regulations introduced in 2006 - which appear to require compulsory registration for parents who have a regular after-school arrangement for looking after each others' children.

In Buckinghamshire two mothers, both police officers, were told by children's services watchdog Ofsted that they were breaking the law by caring for each others' children without undergoing registration and checks.

The two detective constables, Leanne Shepherd, from Milton Keynes, and Lucy Jarrett, from Buckingham, told the BBC how Ofsted insisted they end their arrangement.

'Shocked'

Ms Shepherd said: "A lady came to the front door and she identified herself as being from Ofsted. She said a complaint had been made that I was illegally childminding.

"I was just shocked - I thought they were a bit confused about the arrangement between us.

"So I invited her in and told her situation - the arrangement between Lucy and I - and I was shocked when she told me I was breaking the law."

The accusation was that the reciprocal arrangement represented a "reward" - and as such the mothers would have to be formally registered as providers of child care.

Interpretation

The Department for Children, Schools and Families has been arguing that this is not how the Childcare Act introduced three years ago should be interpreted.

In particular, it wants a different view of what represents a "reward".

The law makes no distinction between the financial reward gained by someone paid to look after children and the reward in time and convenience gained by families who have private arrangements to help each other with childcare.

A spokesman for the children's department said it was now "working with Ofsted on their interpretation of the word 'reward'."

"We must ensure a common sense and measured approach which does not penalise informal arrangements but retains a balance between over-regulation and protecting children."

'Bureaucracy gone mad'

Under the complex childcare rules, it is illegal for an unregistered parent to collect someone else's child from school and look after them for more than two hours, if this is a reciprocal arrangement and so providing a "reward".

This would mean that after-school play-dates - where families helped each other by taking home each others' children on different days - would not be permissible without registration and inspections.

There are exemptions for this - allowing relatives to look after children in their family and the restrictions do no apply if children are in their own home or between the hours of 6pm and 2am.

The suggestion that it would be illegal for friends to help each other with childcare has provoked an angry response.

Michele Elliott, director of children's charity Kidscape, said the decision defied common sense and would impose extra childcare costs on families.

She described the rules as "bureaucracy gone mad".

Siobhan Freegard, who founded the parents' networking website Netmums, said that hard-pressed parents would think "this is the last straw".

This dispute over child care regulations follows recent controversy where it emerged that a child protection vetting scheme would mean that more than 11 million adults in England would have to undergo checks.

Beautiful Poem Mashallah

ummhussain — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 23:58:43 +0000

If I help a child to read at school, I'm called a Teacher
If I teach my child to read at home, I'm just a mother.
If I plan lessons for a class, I'm called a Curriculum Coordinator
If I educate my children at home, I'm just a mother.
If I sit and talk to children an hour each, a week, addressing their needs, I'm a Speech Therapist.
If I patiently engage and help my autistic child every minute of every day, I'm just a mother.
If I look after a patient in the hospital, I'm called a Nurse.
If I nurse my child when they're ill, awake all night: none able to replace my reassuring presence, I'm just a mother.
If I manage my boss's office, I'm called a Secretary
If I organise my children's lives and my home, a place for everything and everything in its place, I'm just a mother.
If I prepare a meal in a restaurant, I'm called a Chef.
If I cook nutritious meals daily, made with love, remembered forever, I'm just a mother.
If I work late worrying about a deal for clients, how to make them as much money as I can, I'm a Career Woman.
If I stay up worrying and planning my children's future, the future of our world, I'm just a mother.
If I went out with colleagues and peers for dinner, comparing notes on the industry, I'd be Networking.
If I went out picnicking with a local mother & toddler group, comparing notes on parenting, I'd just be a mother.
If I sing on a stage, I'm an Artist.
If I sing a lullaby every night, the only voice that they want, the only voice that will do, I'm just a mother.

By Fatima Barkatulla